Dowd Domination

Shake, Rattle and Roll
By MAUREEN DOWD
Published: November 18, 2007

Get out from that kitchen and rattle those pots and pans
Get out from that kitchen and rattle those pots and pans
Well, roll my breakfast 'cause I'm a hungry man

I said Shake, rattle and roll
I said Shake, rattle and roll
I said Shake, rattle and roll
I said Shake, rattle and roll
Well, you never do nothin' to save your doggone soul

Wearin' those dresses, your hair done up so nice
Wearin' those dresses, your hair done up so nice
You look so warm, but your heart is cold as ice

On a meta-level, the lyrics to the Jesse Stone penned bluesy rock classic that has been recorded by Bill Haley and Elvis Presley is more appropriate than can be imagined. We got kitchens, souls, dresses, and ice-cold hearts, all staples of the Dowd patois when discussing Clinton.

And speaking of rolls, Maureen is on one, right from the opening line:

The debate dominatrix knows how to rattle Obambi.

We first met Obambi nearly a year ago in Dowd’s December 13, 2006 column back when he was battling Hillzilla. Debate dominatrix was a throw away line I first noticed as a allusive alliteration in the French fiasco. This week, Dowd takes the bondage metaphor and runs it in a blender beyond recognition.

Mistress Hillary started disciplining her fellow senator last winter, after he began exploring a presidential bid.

She has continued to flick the whip in debates.

With so much at stake, she had to do it again in Vegas, this time using her voice, gaze and body language to such punishing effect that Obama looked as if he had been brought to heel.

If you don’t need a cold shower after all that dirty BDSM talk, check your pulse. And Dowd can’t mention Obambi with calling out how pussy-whipped he is.

Michelle said she let her husband run for president only when he agreed to give up smoking, and she’s a master at the art of the loving conjugal put-down.

And now for a Dowdified mash-up:

She owned him … after a tortured exchange… from that devastating… position… that could have dragged her to defeat.

All this hot talk has Maureen so worked up that she can’t wait for the main event because:

Rudy will not be so easy to spank.

I’ll want to get the pay-per-view for that X-rated confrontation especially if we can get Dowd as the ring announcer.