Greg Gutfeld Goes Gaga

In Tuesday’s column, Maureen Dowd latched onto Greg Gutfeld’s characterization of the Iranian president as a fruitbat as an example of inhospitable name-calling. In addition to the fruitbat line, Greg also had this to say about the fashion sense of our Persian guest:

Ahmadinejad needs gays bad. Look at that waxed hair and that retarded coat. He needs a queer eye, fast.

When aspiring Fox News Neanderthal Gutfeld found out that he had garnered the notice of Maureen, he went on a charm offensive. While he seemed a little miffed that he’s never been invited to go hot-tubbing with Frank Rich and the rest of the NYT Op-Ed gang, he makes a serious play for Maureen’s affections. Despite her being twelve years his senior, he is willing to pull out all the stops. He tells her to quit pining for mustachioed tyrants that will just love her and leave her.

Maureen, he's just not that into you.

But I am. I'll wait. When he's done with you, just call me. We'll have margaritas. I'll even wear the jacket — maybe pants. I won't like it, but I'll do it… for you.

Uh, that's not your gut you're feeling, Greg. Think lower.

It seems a shame that such an eloquent knuckle-dragger as Gutfeld could become such a smitten schoolboy. We understand MoDo’s magic allure, Greg. We really do.