FlashBack: Mean Girls

Maureen Dowd took Turkey Day off, so let’s look back at a classic column.

Woman of Mass Destruction
By Maureen Dowd
22 October 2005

One of the major reasons used for the invasion of Iraq was the Saddam Hussein's possession of Weapons of Mass Destruction. Much of the evidence of WMDs was reported by Judith Miller who used now-discredited Iraqi expatriate Ahmad Chalabi as a source.

Any good schoolyard battle between two queen bees always starts with sarcastic declarations of devotion:

I've always liked Judy Miller. I have often wondered what Waugh or Thackeray would have made of the Fourth Estate's Becky Sharp.

Becky Sharp is one of the most famous amoral social climbers in literature. It implies a rise strewn with discarded relationships in a quest for power. An implication Dowd makes more explicit in the very next paragraph:

The traits she has that drive many reporters at The Times crazy - her tropism toward powerful men, her frantic intensity and her peculiar mixture of and hard work and hauteur - never bothered me. I enjoy operatic types.

And it wouldn’t be a cat fight without an argument over cafeteria table assignments.

Once when I was covering the first Bush White House, I was in The Times' seat in the crowded White House press room, listening to an administration official's background briefing. Judy had moved on from her tempestuous tenure as a Washington editor to be a reporter based in New York, but she showed up at this national security affairs briefing.

At first she leaned against the wall near where I was sitting, but I noticed that she seemed agitated about something. Midway through the briefing, she came over and whispered to me, "I think I should be sitting in the Times seat."

It was such an outrageous move, I could only laugh. I got up and stood in the back of the room, while Judy claimed what she felt was her rightful power perch.

Which of course includes an alliterative attack, one of several including “hard work and hauteur” above and these:

This cagey confusion is what makes people wonder whether her stint in the Alexandria jail was in part a career rehabilitation project.

But before turning Judy's case into a First Amendment battle, they should have nailed her to a chair and extracted the entire story of her escapade.

Other trademark Dowdisms are the silly nickname:

She more than earned her sobriquet "Miss Run Amok."

And the lowbrow pop-culture reference:

It also doesn't seem credible that Judy wouldn't remember a Marvel comics name like "Valerie Flame."

Perhaps it would be too much credit to think Judith Miller was as familiar with The Fantastic Four as Dowd seems to be. But as always, Maureen saves the heaviest salvo for last:

Judy told The Times that she plans to write a book and intends to return to the newsroom, hoping to cover "the same thing I've always covered - threats to our country." If that were to happen, the institution most in danger would be the newspaper in your hands.

When the paper of record is caught carrying water, even the op/ed page has to turn up its nose at the bias.

MoDo or FauxDo

Anna Shane at DailyKos wrote a parody of Maureen Dowd's She's No Morgenthau column that someone must have flagged it as copyright infringement. Let's look a little closer to see how close to the bone it cuts

MoDo	FauxDo
Most of the time, Barack Obama seems like he’s boxing in the wrong weight class. But Monday in Fort Dodge, Iowa, he delivered an unscripted jab that was a beaut.	Barack Obama, who’s seemed way too respectful of the girl running for president, maybe cause she reminds him of his Midwestern moms and apple pie, finally stepped up to the plate, and sent one zinging over right field. In Dodge Stadium, he slammed a clearly and, in my opinion, obviously spontaneous and, unlike you-know-who, unscripted, ‘fly ‘n ball’ that knocked that ‘wife candidate’ on her no longer fire proof fanny.
It took him nine months, but he finally found the perfect pitch to make a trenchant point.	It may have taken him a full nine-month pregnancy, but he finally delivered the perfect slap that made his ‘knock-her-down-and-then-laugh-at-her’ point. Rudy took note, and he immediately gave up his dream to elevate Judi to succeed his coming monarchy.
She was a top adviser who had a Nixonian bent for secrecy and a knack for hard-core politicking. But if running a great war room qualified you for president, Carville and Stephanopoulos would be leading the pack.	If she’d even been the top adviser she claims she was, she must have had a Nixonian (paranoid, get it?) bent for secrecy and his knack for hard-core porn, I mean, politicking, but Obama rightly points out, ain’t so, the girlie was just a wife, I’m saying wife here, not husband. The real powers behind the throne were Carville and Stephanopoulos, and they would both be leading the pack, if they would both just quit working for the big-bucks media and get back to public service, and both of them are men, get it?

The problem here is that the attempt at parody is too pitch perfect. It's not enough to paraphrase the Dowdster, you have to somehow out-style her. And that is a tough order. Better luck next time.

BlogWatch: Foreign Affairs

As I mentioned in my analysis on Maureen Dowd’s most recent Hillary-bashing column (and they are hard to keep up with), her final line is less slam dunk rhetorical than she thinks. Let’s look back at it:

But is living in the White House between the ages of 45 and 53 foreign policy experience?

Steve Soto’s answer at The Left Coaster is:

Yes, you twit. Or do you think being on the inside seeing how the world works at the highest level possible for eight years means nothing?

The major card she has left is experience, and despite the idiotic Obama love letters from the likes of Dowd, Hillary should frame the remaining debate along these lines and let voters make the call.

On the other hand, Pissed On Politics agrees with Dowd's assessment and elaborates:

It appears Hillary's charges that Obama lacks 'experience' is nothing more than a projection of her own campaign insecurities; that if people really take a closer look at her they'll see she is the one who lacks the necessary experience to be President.

What Hillary doesn't lack in experience is cut-throat politicking doused with secrecy. Perhaps what she means is that Obama lacks the cold calculating political experience necessary to manipulate the media and parley that control into an election victory. If that's the kind of experience Hillary is talking about, she can keep it.

Maureen Down says it better than I ever could.

MikeTrap also thinks Dowd has a point:

Great, balanced editorial by Maureen Dowd in the NYTimes. While she expresses reservations about the depth of Obama’s foriegn policy experience, she finally says what only another woman could say about Hillary.

Finally for today, Chris LaRoche wonders what the title of the column has to do with the substance:

The title of the piece — "She's No Morgenthau" — looks to be an on-topic reference to Hans J. Morgenthau, an international relations theorist and University of Chicago professor who immigrated to the U.S. from Poland after living through World War II.

But there are no further references to Morgenthau in the story proper, nor would a candidate's possession of foreign policy experience necessarily make he or she "Morgenthauian."

My guess is that Dowd is just showing off arcane knowledge imprecisely so that folks like us have to run to Wikipedia to figure out what she’s talking about. Maureen, just stick to pop culture like 50s rock songs.

Thank God I'm Not MoDo

If you are spending Thanksgiving today with family you don't agree with, be thankful you aren't Maureen Dowd. From November 28, 2004, she describes her tableaux:

People often wonder what our Thanksgiving is like.

It's lovely - if you enjoy hearing about how brilliant Ann Coulter is, how misguided The New York Times's editorial page is, and how valiant the president is as he tries to stop America's slide into paganism.

She says having to sit at the same table with a bunch of Rush Limbaugh fans makes her want to stuff mashed potatoes in people's ears. Here is Maureen Dowd quoting her brother Kevin on what he is thankful for:

We do not live in a secular country. There are all sorts of people of faith that place moral values over personal freedoms. They are not all 'wacky evangelicals.' They are people who don't like Howard Stern piping a hard porn show over the airwaves and wrapping himself in the freedom of the First Amendment. They don't like being told that a young girl does not have to seek her mother's counsel about an abortion. They don't like seeing an eight-month-old fetus having his head punctured and his brains sucked out. They don't like being told the Pledge of Allegiance, a moment of silent prayer and the words 'under God' are offensive to an enlightened few so nobody should be allowed to use them. ... My wife and I picked our sons' schools based on three criteria: 1) moral values 2) discipline 3) religious maintenance - in that order. We have spent an obscene amount of money doing this and never regretted a penny. Last week on the news, I heard that the Montgomery County school board voted to include a class with a 10th-grade girl demonstrating how to put a condom on a cucumber and a study of the homosexual lifestyle. The vote was 6-0. I feel better about the money all the time.

Enjoy your turkey.

The Undercard

She’s No Morgenthau
By MAUREEN DOWD
Published: November 21, 2007

Hans Joachim Morgenthau was a political scientist that pioneered the use of political realism to determine foreign policy. Not to be confused with Morgan LaFey who was an Arthurian sorceress that vexed the king and wished to usurp the throne.

Today Dowd returns to her boxing metaphor, which I cataloged in my Obambi rundown yesterday. Maureen is happy to see Obama come out swinging like Rocky:

Most of the time, Barack Obama seems like he’s boxing in the wrong weight class. But Monday in Fort Dodge, Iowa, he delivered an unscripted jab that was a beaut.

Dowd quickly spreads credit for the Comeback Kid’s presidential successes to the people that were ringside besides Hillary.

And the part of the Clinton administration that worked best — the economy, stupid — was run by Robert Rubin.

But if running a great war room qualified you for president, Carville and Stephanopoulos would be leading the pack.

James Carville and George Stephanopoulos were featured in a documentary called War Room about the 1992 presidential election. NYT stablemate Frank Rich's review is here.

Dowd then falls for what Dowd Report contributor yellojkt calls Briar Patch Politics by pointing out that Bush is in Clinton's corner.

President Bush is not so enamored of Obama’s foreign policy judgment. He gave a plug to Hillary on ABC News last night, calling her a “formidable candidate,” even under pressure, who “understands the klieg lights.”

Dubya praising the Hillary just highlights who the Republicans would prefer to face in the title fight. In her zeal to deliver a knock-out punch, she instead strikes a low blow:

She brazenly borrowed Republican talking points, even though she accused John Edwards of “throwing mud” that was “right out of the Republican playbook.”

“With all due respect,” she told a crowd in Iowa. “I don’t think living in a foreign country between the ages of 6 and 10 is foreign policy experience.”

But is living in the White House between the ages of 45 and 53 foreign policy experience?

It’s rhetorical question that leaves me down for the count. While Hillary has never been a formal diplomat, you would have to think navigating the white waters of the White House affairs, foreign and domestic, would show that she has had plenty of experience in the ring.

Obambi In The Crosshairs

In my post about Sunday’s column, I noticed that Maureen Dowd called Barack Obama “Obambi” for the umpteenth time. The first instance was back on December 13, 2006 in a column blatantly called Will Hillzilla crush Obambi? The title echoes the classic cartoon parody "Bambi Meets Godzilla" by Marv Newland which can be seen here. Hint: It doesn't end well for Bambi.

But unlike her impertinent challenger, Hillary will have to do a lot of fancy dancing to explain her opinions about the Iraq war. And we know that she’s not a good dancer.

Built on a cult of personality, her campaign will be ruthless in stomping on Obambi, as a Chicago columnist referred to the idealistic pol who was too naïve to steer clear of a sleazy fund-raiser who wanted to buy his favor with a sweetheart real estate deal.

This sweetheart deal is allegedly the same scandal that Robert Novak has been alluding to. And while Dowd credits a "Chicago columnist" (actually John Kass of the Tribune) for inventing the "Obambi" saying, the blogosphere likes to blame Maureen.

On February 21st of this year, Dowd goes all Oscar metaphor with Obama’s Big Screen Test.

Who can pay attention to the Oscar battle between “The Queen” and “Dreamgirls” when you’ve got a political battle between a Queen and a Dreamboy?

Can you guess who is who? But then she goes right back to the Disney classic.

Did Mr. Spielberg get in trouble with the Clintons for helping Senator Obama? “Yes,” Mr. Geffen replies, slyly. Can Obambi stand up to Clinton Inc.? “I hope so,” he says, “because that machine is going to be very unpleasant and unattractive and effective.”

Her boxing metaphor (which will serve her well in the next several months), used in Where's His Right Hook? also goes back to the monster versus woodland creature image.

The Democrats lost the last two excruciatingly close elections because Al Gore and John Kerry did not fight fiercely and cleverly enough.

After David Geffen made critical comments about Hillary, she seized the chance to play Godzilla stomping on Obambi.

Ever the pop culture maven, In Can He Unleash the Force? Dowd invokes comic book heroes to get Barack to man-up.

In mythic tales from “Superman” to “Star Wars” to “Spider-Man,” there comes a moment when the young superhero has to learn to harness his powers. That’s the challenge Barack Obama faces now.

But often he reverts to Obambi, tentative about commanding the stage and consistently channeling the excitement he engenders.

Clearly Maureen hasn’t been watching her movies to the end. In Bambi, our young buck grows some antlers and becomes a powerful stag that goes on to lead the herd.

BlogWatch: Whips and Chains

With Maureen Dowd talking dirty, it’s fair to wonder how far her BDSM metaphor can stretch. Nearly everybody picked up on her very unsubtly calling Obama a wuss, but Molly Ivors of Whiskey Fire put it best:

Dood, MoDo says, you are so whipped!

In MoDo's world, where strong women must be balanced out by weak men, the idea of a mutually strong relationship is unthinkable (which may be why Hill and Bill confuse her so much).

Dohiyi Mir thinks that maybe there is even a subtext below the sexual one:

The debate dominatrix knows how to rattle Obambi.

Brilliant opening frame! Sexualize Hillary, but in a way that's sure to intimidate a lot of men, plus it gives you a chance to bring up whips and use the title "Mistress" when talking about a NEGRO!

See, the Democrats' House Negro feels a need for obeisance in front of The Bitch. Rudy, being a strong man, a real man, a WHITE man (we'll ignore the fact that he's a WOP), would never be dominated by a lady. At least not one without a tiara.

Dependable Renagade puts it even more bluntly (if that's possible):

Maureen. Get off the plantation already. The racist Mandingo fantasies belong on your nightstand, not in an internationally distributed "newspaper of record".

On the other hand, Lady Chatterley who writes The Feminist Surrenders thinks that all the bondage talk reveals a part of Maureen we haven’t seen.

Dowd seems pretty obsessed with this stuff. If I were to do to Dowd what she does to everyone else, I would guess she's pretty obsessed with the BDSM stuff, but hasn't acted on it and still keeps it at the 'eww' factor in order to avoid coming to terms with her own desires.

She goes on to be offended by Maureen using the dominance and submission metaphor incorrectly.

It is part of the marginalization of kinky folk and has a voyeuristic, tittering, smirking quality. Maybe most of the "of course, I'm not into that" are really wishing to submit to whatever their desires are. "Can you believe, oh my God! No one should do that." It enforces social norms by shame and humiliation.

So even the leather corset set can find common ground with the wider world in their disgust with Maureen Dowd’s shallow stereotypes.