What Color Is Hillary's Parachute?

Begrudging His Bedazzling
By MAUREEN DOWD
Published: February 27, 2008

"Oh, Rhett, I want everybody who's been mean to me to be pea-green with envy!"

-Scarlett O’Hara, Gone With The Wind

Maureen Dowd opens her column with Hillary talking to perhaps the only person more famous for wearing pants suits than she is, talk-show host and main-stream media lesbian, Ellen Degeneres.

A huge Ellen suddenly materialized behind Hillary on a giant screen, interrupting her speech Monday night at a fund-raiser at George Washington University in Washington.

What better way for a desperate Hillary to try and stop her rival from running off with all her women supporters than to have a cozy satellite chat with a famous daytime talk-show host who isn’t supporting Obama?

The other talk-show host is, of course, Oprah Winfrey who is so famous for skyrocketing Obama into the celebrity stratosphere that she deserves an ambassadorship in the next administration if she can stand the paycut. And how, in the words of Dr. Phil, does that make Hillary feel?

Her sunshine-colored jackets hardly disguise the fact that she’s pea-green with envy.

Pea-green is the color of envy for Scarlett O’Hara as well as Maureen Dowd. When Dowd last invoked Gone With The Wind, Hillary was seeing red. But Hillary also turned pea green with envy way back in the classic Hillzilla versus Obambi column in September when Barack first became a media darling.

Oddly enough, Dowd has used “pea-green” before with another famous renegade competing for public opinion, Osama (as opposed to Obama), in a column from 2002 titled Is "Osama Pea Green?".

Continuing with the theme of reruns in full Technicolor, Barack is still the Eddie Murphy-ish Golden Child that he was back on December 2, 2007, with no sign of the leaf seems to be flaking off his gilding.

Certainly, Hillary understands the perils of glitter. The coda of her campaign has been a primal scream against the golden child of Chicago, a clanging and sometimes churlish warning that “all that glitters is not gold.”

And in the feature presentation of Movies With Maureen®, Hillary will be played by Sally Field as the multi-personality psychotic Sybil:

After saying she found her “voice” in New Hampshire, she has turned into Sybil. We’ve had Experienced Hillary, Soft Hillary, Hard Hillary, Misty Hillary, Sarcastic Hillary, Joined-at-the-Hip-to-Bill Hillary, Her-Own-Person-Who-Just-Happens-to-Be-Married-to-a-Former-President Hillary, It’s-My-Turn Hillary, Cuddly Hillary, Let’s-Get-Down-in-the-Dirt-and-Fight-Like-Dogs Hillary.

And would it be subliminal racism if Hillary brings up classic Spike Lee movies in the context of Obama?

At a rally on Sunday, she tried sarcasm about Obama, talking about how “celestial choirs” singing and magic wands waving won’t get everybody together to “do the right thing.”

Because someone out there is trying to remind the public that Obama is, gasp, African-American, and none too subtly. Maureen even links it to a classic movie of political paranoia:

Hillary and her top aides could not say categorically that her campaign had not been the source on the Drudge Report, as Matt Drudge claimed, for a picture of Obama in African native garb that the mean-spirited hope will conjure up a Muslim Manchurian candidate vibe.

Whether or not the Clintons are behind the lackluster smear job, it’s the attacks that draw the most convoluted Dowdversion® metaphor out of Maureen:

By threatening to throw the kitchen sink at Obama, they simply confirmed the fact that they might be going down the drain.

As part of the Hillary death spiral, people are finally noticing the free easy ride that Obama has gotten from The Media, so much so that even Saturday Night Live and Maureen Dowd have noticed.

Hillary and her aides urged reporters to learn from the “Saturday Night Live” skit about journalists having crushes on Obama.

But Hillary should learn from a later SNL bit, where Tina Fey in an endorsement of Hillary proclaims that “Bitch is the new black!” But the slogan works for the Clinton campaign in another way. After all, black is the color you wear to funerals.